Reclaiming the Sacred

A lot of survivors of abuse in the Church that we speak to share that they have difficulty praying with images they once found consoling. I can relate to this. After experiencing spiritual abuse, I couldn’t pray with images of Jesus, especially the Sacred Heart of Jesus, for a long time. This was particularly difficult for me as an artist. Sacred images were and still are central to my prayer life.

But, after my experience, Jesus’ gaze had been distorted in my mind, tangled with betrayal. I turned instead to the image of God as Creator; it was more distant and safe. Then, slowly over time, I began drawing Jesus in scenes from Scripture. With each drawing, something shifted. His true face emerged. Not the one misused by others but the one shaped by his truth and love.

Then, on retreat this year, I was drawn to the image I had most avoided without even realizing it: Jesus bearing his heart in an open, inviting, and vulnerable way. I was apprehensive at first. That image has been manipulated by others for harm. But this time, in prayer, it became a place of restoration. Jesus looked at me not in a demanding way but with sorrow, for all that has been done in his name, and with unwavering love.

“Stay as close as you can,” he seemed to say, “Or as far as you need. I will love you from here.”

As I prayed with this image, I realized that Jesus can mourn with me. He has infinite capacity for my pain. To be with me, he doesn’t need me to be something different than what I am. My vulnerability isn’t something he seeks to exploit for himself but to honor in the light of his truth. In the presence of Christ, I felt held and safe in his infinite light. Within his invitation, hope did not disappoint. Jesus’ love, poured into my heart through the Holy Spirit, became real once again—fierce, tender, and trustworthy.

In those moments, I prayed for you and for anyone who might encounter this image.